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Posted by: Satinbutterfly36 Original: 5/27/2006 12:33 PM Views: 59 Comments: 4 eProps: 8 Read Comments Post a Comment Back to Your Xanga Site

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2 eProps from: friends42005 Palomino heirofgrace becmom

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Talk about a baby....!

Posted 5/27/2006 12:33 PM - 59 Views - 8 eProps - 4 comments

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4 Comments

Hello , Care picture you have on here now. Hope you have a good week-end now. GOD BLESS YOU ALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 5/27/2006 1:10 PM by friends42005 - reply

Now there's something every household should have......except mine of course!!

Posted 5/27/2006 2:54 PM by Palomino - reply

My daughter is so jealous! Her "Daisy" is so on-the-go all the time and doesn't snuggle like that. We've only had her a couple days though, so maybe over time...
The guy at the pet store said Daisy was abandonded by the owner. He had put her in a CAT CARRIER (!) and took her to a friend to watch "until I get back" and never came back. After a few months the friend brought Daisy to the pet store. Imagine being cooped up that long :o( The employees were soooo glad to see Daisy leaving for a good home, and I think it's made Bren and me love her even more. How can people not love animals!? lol

Posted 5/27/2006 3:09 PM by heirofgrace - reply

Thanks for leaving comments at my site. I have 7 kids ages 12-25. Three are married, one is on his own, and one is currently a runaway. We did foster care and adopted three that were not able to go back home, and of course that is a whole other ball game.

We have evolved to more and more child centered parenting. We started out with the 'parents know best' and the 'use consequences to teach them where they went wrong' methods. When you are very bonded with your child these methods don't do so terribly much damage, because they are resilient and because you feel so much empathy for them. When you bring in a child who is angry and acting out (for very good reasons) even before you ever have a chance to bond, the rules and consequences can take over the relationship.

With our runaway, I don't know how much difference it would have made to learn that lesson earlier. The prior abuse was so horrific. But we didn't build a relationship that was helpful to him either. Now he knows we care about him, and that we will show up and continue to care whenever he gets into trouble. But that isn't enough yet to make him take the risk to begin to heal.

Our parenting now involves a lot of negotiation. I say 'I can't do all this work alone. When and how can you help with it?' When they are totally unwilling we talk about it more, or negotiate compromises.

We talk about how we want to be spoken to (this seems to be an issue almost only with the kids who came from hard backgrounds). I ask for breaks when I feel myself getting too stressed or angry. This works pretty good with kids that are older and at least somewhat rational. With small or very disturbed children, there are no magic tricks that I have found.

I'm slowly learning to try to be the kind of person I would respect, no matter what the kids are doing. I have not mastered this yet, but it helps. Sometimes there is no way obvious to change the situation to make it better. Then the only thing I have is to be someone I respect and who is respectful of others.

Posted 5/30/2006 10:29 AM by becmom - reply

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